Dying Young

I have been reading a new book lately and though it had not held my attention as a cannot put down stay up all night reading book, it is definitely thought provoking. The title is Two Weeks of Life by Eleanor Clift. It is a story about her husband dying of cancer, but what makes it interesting is that this is happening during the Terri Shivo drama. The author draws similarities as well as discusses many political issues related to the right to life movement as well as dying with dignity.

Tom died today(in the book) and as my mind wrapped around itself around the idea, it began shooting off into many different areas. Would I want to die at home or in a hospital, did his wife cry or had she already shed every last tear, was he in pain(they had brought in hospice months ago so I would imagine no) and lastly how terrible for one so young to die. Then by a will completely of it's own I heard my mind ask me is it really? No question dying young before all your goals are accomplished is a tragedy, but isn't all death a tragedy? Who really accomplishes everything they wanted to before their time up? No one no matter the age wants to die unless physical or mental difficulties push them there.

I made the dreadful decision to watch this special on a hospice and what happens during the dying process. Just the raw footage of people drawing in their last breaths. It was very disturbing, watching their last days, hours minutes. Most were elderly a few in their late 50's maybe. Their lives had come to this, waiting to die in a hospice nursing home. Is this a better way to go? Those images will stay with me forever. Is it better to die in the midst of living? To die while there is still something to be left behind, rather than to do it while waiting for it to happen. I do not want to die young or anytime soon but neither do I want to wither away, a shell of the person I had wanted to be. I guess there's a reason that this decision is not up to us.

Christmas

Well, it must be really bad. I just rewound a commercial to watch 2 dogs in front of a roaring fire happily chewing chewies as they lay snug in their dog beds wearing the latest in canine sweaters. Yeah, I have it bad. Since I have become ill, I am not much for shopping. I would rather have my teeth pulled with a wrench than go to a mall, especially this time of year. I have become a huge fan of Internet shopping, 3 hours in front of a computer, bought, wrapped and shipped and my Christmas shopping is done.

Most of my holiday cheer came with the anticipation, the baking, wrapping, shopping . Ours started the Friday after Thanksgiving and didn't stop until December 26Th. I was blessed to be able to take the week of Christmas off when I worked as we needed all the time to fill in the traditions. Now that we are unable to do those things anymore I watch the sappy commercials with spite and resentment. Don't they know that many if not most people do not have the happy cheerful Christmases they portray? I wonder of they do more harm than good. Those that have loving families that get together don't need commercials to remind them to be happy and festive. For those of us who have either lost that or never had it all it does is remind of us of what we have lost or never had. Personally I'd like to smack some of them.

The last few years I have been mostly successful at ignoring all the family oriented commercials and Hallmark movies and scoffed at all the materialism that now makes up the holidays. But this year I found myself doing something different and didn't even realize it until weeks of surfing and Christmas shopping. I find myself not looking at the jacket on sale, but the people playing in the snow, or the family playing a game in front of the a roaring fire and the tree lights sparkling in the background. I find myself being taken in and not wanting the products, but wanting the life that the products promise. A cozy Christmas at a cabin away from it all with snow ball fights and sled riding. Then coming in and taking a steaming bath in a claw foot tub with the scent of vanilla. Next putting on flannel jammies, wrapping up in a hand made quilt and enjoying a night of family and friends. Yep, I'm sold. For whatever reason this year I'm buying into it, hook line and sinker. I just have to have the faith that someday again I will have that fairy tale Christmas and to be grateful that I had so many just like that. So for those of you that do, enjoy them, treasure them, make the most of them. Before you know it things can be completely different and all you have to hang onto are the memories of Christmas past.