Help. No Air!

Currently I am sitting watching Paranormal State(guilty pleasure)waiting for the air conditioning tech to come and God willing fix my air conditioner. Considering that we put in a complete new air conditioner less than a year ago, I am not a happy customer at the moment. In fact I was well on my way to a beaut of a meltdown when my dad, bless his heart, helped me calm down.  I was trying to find the paperwork that would show our warranty info as all I had was the renewal notice. As I got back in May I figured it had expired. My dad said the date would be on the renewal and it was. Thank goodness it would not expire till July. I also got lucky in that a storm passed nearby so it cooled things down a bit and with both doors open I got a cross breeze and it's livable. I hope and pray he can fix it. (Update, it was the computer board and of course on a Sat. night at 10 pm, he can't get one so I have to wait until Monday. My dad, bless his heart, brought his brand new portable air conditioner that he had to buy last week when his air conditioner went on the fritz. Must be that time of year.

It's always the small things that set me off. This whole time since my husband walked out on me I have tried to take the high road. As in most divorces, one or both parties tend to mess with the other person and mine is not any different. But as I am firm believer in first that vengeance is the Lords, and second Karma, I wanted to get through this without doing anything illegal, button pushing, or just plain wrong or mean. Personally I think I have done a pretty good job. I will not go into all the sordid details, but everyone who knows the situation has said I am being a saint.

Again another lesson learned.










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The Dreaded Weight Issue

I have struggled with weight all my life. Even though both my parents and my grandfather on my dad's side are tall and thin, I got my grandmother's genes(which for all but the weight gene I am extremely grateful:-) ). They are shorter and stockier. I was overweight until I was 13. That summer I went to a horseback riding camp and lost all 25-30 lbs of "baby fat". I became very active in sports and activites I was able to keep it off until my freshman year of college. Ha, I laughed in the face at the freshman 15, I was going to do the freshman 30, so take that!

My junior year of college I joined an aerobics class, and found my career. Between going on a no fat diet and with the amount of exercise I was doing in addition to walking to all my classes and marching with the PSU Blue Band, the weight melted off.

I was able to keep it off during my career as a fitness expert, but when I got sick and could no longer workout at my previous level, I put quite a bit of weight on. For the most part I was able to accept it as I knew if I was healthy I would be working out and it wouldn't be a problem. On a good day I will exercise but it is almost impossible to string a bunch of good days together.

Now that I am getting divorced, I have a new perspective. Do I want to lose weight to attract men, or would I rather maintain as I am in the belief it's the inside of a person that counts. If you believe in set point theory(which I do), it's where your body has a set point. With normal activity and normal eating patterns, your body settles to a weight that is meant for you. The only way to change it effectively is through exercise. I was able to reset my set point from a size 16 to a size 2/4. Because I was SO active I literally needed about 3000 or more calories to maintain, but I did for many years. As soon as I was unable to keep it up, my set point returned to what it was before I got into exercise and I am back to a 14/16. Which is actually the mean size of an American woman(14).

So my dilemma. Do I stay where I am at or do I lose weight to get and please a man. I know, some of you are yelling at me for even asking the question, but seriously. Isn't that a gift I can give my potential husband, a sexy body? Trust me I go back and forth on this one myself. The funny thing is if I was well, I would have the body I used to have

Hope, goals, looking forward to a different future. Once my ex-husband walked out, I read everything I could get my hands on. One of the books said that you mourn the loss of the future you had planned. That is very true. There were so many things coming up that I at least was looking forward to and now those things will not happen.

I have come to the conclusion, that I cannot move forward without hope. Most of my Hope comes from my faith and from God, and as much as I'd like to just wait for God to send me a text, email, tweet or instagram, telling me what to do next, I need to have some goals of my own. The exciting thing for me is I do have some things I am looking forward to. Moving is at the top. For years I have wanted to move home to Bradenton and now I will be. I don't know exactly when but soon. Being closer to my parents will be relief.  I cannot wait to get back to the laid back easy feel of a coastal town. I am continuing on with my masters degree and that will open up my future to some possibilities. And the big one is I am starting to date again. I have to say I am absolutely terrified, but I am going in with a complete open mind, no expectations, just to meet people and have a good time.

Once I started looking forward instead of behind, I began to believe in myself again. It's been a tough couple of years and I allowed myself to believe things about myself that were not true. Once I started believing in myself again, more things seemed possible. Once anything seemed possible, I began to get excited about what the future held.

Granted my future is not the one I expected to be having but if I have learned one thing about God is that if He takes something away, he gives it back 10 fold! I am ready to meet my McDreamy!

What God has Joined Together, Let No Man Put Asunder

At times I wonder if I am in shock. Going through a divorce has got to be one of the most stressful, painful events we can ever go through. This is something I NEVER thought would happen to me. I know no one gets married thinking they will divorce. Because of our faith and the kind of relationship we had from the beginning, and what I was told when we were going through difficult times, I thought we were both in this till death. I took my vows very seriously and this has literally been a life shifting experience.

What surprised me, is my situation seems so awful, I could not believe anyone else could do the things that have been done to me. To my utter surprise, when I posted what was going on with me on a divorce board, I received many resounding replies that they were in the exact same situation as myself.  Their spouse, had an affair, walked out to begin a new life, leaving them to clean up the mess. How do people do that? I've been told to quit asking why, but I am the kind of person who wants to know why. It helps me process and this is something I just cannot process.

Time heals all wounds. I hope so.