This is a warning. If any of you out there was an idiot like myself, then I would like to warn you so you possibly can avoid the lesson I am learning now. Love where you are in the moment and love what you have at the moment. Yes memories of things and times past are fun to have and hoping for better or more things in the future can be exciting. There is nothing more important then BEING in the now and thankful for what you have in the now.
As you know from my last post, I am getting divorced. My home is one of the casualties. Because of my beliefs and because of almost losing my home before, I do have an appreciation for it. But not the kind I need to have. I have forgotten that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Since we have been in this house I have never been settled. It's not the house, the house is beautiful, it's the town. I want to be back home in Bradenton. At the time, where we lived depended on my soon to be ex husband's job. But over the years I have kept the hope alive that I will be able to move back. Remember that saying be careful what you pray for you just might get it LOL!
Now as I walk around my house the thought comes to me that someone else will be living here. I have begun to pray for those people and hope they love this house as much as I did. At one time there was happiness and joy here.
I was so excited about our first home. We built it and that was very exciting for us. It was small, but we didn't care we were so excited. On the weekends we would get McDonald's and then go sit on the slab facing the lake and have breakfast. Up to the very last night I spent in that house, before I would go to bed I would stand in the door way from our bedroom looking into the great room and I would thank God for giving us this beautiful home. Here in all the emotional chaos, I forgot to do that. So be thankful for what you have today, it can be taken away in a moment's notice. But do not forget one of the most wonderful things about God is that He gives back 10 fold what He takes away!! James 1:1-27
I feel as if I am starting new. Before when I thought of that, it evoked feelings of fear, the unknown, the undesirable, resentment. It was the absolute last thing I wanted to do. I fought it quite valiantly if I say so myself. LOL When I am in my health flares, especially if I haven't experienced a really bad one in awhile, I tend to reminisce. These last weeks of reminiscing, had me thinking of when my soon to be ex husband and I moved here. We had recently graduated college, gotten married, and the world was all ours, whatever we wanted, it was possible. As I was thinking about it my body felt the excitement I had felt all those years ago. Such happiness, such hope, such possibility.
Currently, there has been no happiness, no hope, no possibility. And I've been angry about that. Sure, I can start over, alone. Where is the excitement in that? The hope? The possibility? I refused to see it because I didn't want to see it. So I had a temper tantrum. I railed at God, asked all the why questions that had no answers, got a headache from crying(which is why I normally refuse to cry) and went to find the vicks vaper rub(works great after a bad cry, clears the sinuses right up!) and went to bed.
Then, the sun came up the next morning. Nothing spectacular happened, no spirit guide gave me life's answers in the middle of the night, it was just the beginning of another day. A choice comes with it, every day. For some reason, today I looked at it differently. Today there is excitement for what lies ahead. There's hope, there's possibility.
