It's been a difficult couple of months. I have been flaring and my body is throwing one thing after another at me. As soon as I recover from one thing, the next day something new starts. I am also learning my body no longer likes the heat as it used to. Back when I was still able to be physical, I would go running outside at 1 or 2 in the afternoon, never giving it a second thought. I had water with me, but it was never an issue. Today I go get the mail and by the time I come back in I am exhausted LOL! 

What I wanted to write about was perseverance. Because this month has been such a challenge I have been doing a lot of thinking about it. A lot of the time I was on my pity pot, wondering why it had to be so hard. Then I would hear about someone else's struggles, or watch something on TV that would remind me how blessed I am. But even with being blessed, it comes with a great deal of frustration. I will have to good couple months and go out with my friends, gain some stamina so I begin to work out. My outlook opens up and I get excited about the future and when I can begin to work towards those goals.

Then.........my disease decides to remind me it's there, and in a BIG way. It will wake me up at 4am shivering so hard I literally can't talk and then my temperature spikes to a whopping 102-104. It's not like some illnesses or injuries that will gently remind you they are there. Those who have Sarc can relate to what I am saying. My favorite is to be woken at 4 am violently vomiting, or another favorite where my back hurts so bad I have to get up and get on my exercise ball and roll around the floor. My boxer of course likes to help. That is until the big ball comes out. She thinks it's hers and goes into attack mode. But the ball is so big she can't get a bite of it(which is a good thing!)For some reason Sarc likes to attack at night so you have to get out of bed.

When I am waving my white flag of surrender, Sarc will recede a bit, but it leaves behind a heavy cost of fatigue, pain and frustration. All that progress I made at the gym is gone. When I return I will be starting over. I have done this over a hundred times in the years since I have been correctly diagnosed. I can't tell you how man times I have wanted to call it and say enough! It's over I cannot do this anymore. But what choice to we have? Sure I could say enough and curl up and wait for it to be over, or I can take what I have and do something with it. I have been called many adjectives through out my life, stubborn, will full, relentless. But those serve me well now, as I start over and over and over. You just don't give up on people, and I would never give up on myself!