Happy Holidays

It's that time of year again, the holidays. Where TV adds make us feel guilty if we do not have the perfect family, or that all we need to do is go buy things to make our holidays perfect. I never used to pay any attention to ads or TV before. I was too busy living my life and getting ready for the said holidays. A few years ago as I was pretty much bedridden and watching quite a lot of TV, I began to pay attention to those ads. The majority are family oriented. Everybody gets together with their families for all the holidays. Scenes show women in huge kitchens cooking perfect dinners while husbands and kids stand beside the blazing fireplace with a festive tree laden with christmas presents. As I watched these I began to get angry. I began to wonder how many people did not have these perfect family get togethers. My bet would be quite a lot.

Since I have gotten sick, and with my mothers bad health, getting together for holidays is often not possible. And if it is, it resembles nothing like the holidays we used to have. I had many of those perfect holidays. I was one of the lucky ones that have those festive filled traditions. Sadly with no children to pass them down too. I tried once to share them with my inlaws and my husbands words to me as we waved goodbye were "I will never do that to you again!" So you can imagine what a fun filled week that was.

I have completely given up on having those magical holidays and would settle for just being able to get together without a crisis. If it was true that suicide rates went up during the holidays(which it is not), I could seriously understand why. Those adds makes you think you are the only ones who will not be surrounded by family and friends. They have made me so sad I now turn them off. In fact the only adds that make me more upset are those for the save the animals now organization. I'll save my rant on them for another blog. I know the holidays are about family and friends, but I wish the advertisers would be sensitive to the fact that not everyone is going to have a crowded calendar and that many are going to be alone.

So for those of you who are blessed to have a full house, or if you are one who received many invitations and are trying to figure out how many meals you can eat in one day, be grateful. Not only be grateful, but be sensitive to those around you who have no plans or who are unable to go anywhere. When the rest of you are gushing around the water cooler about all your holiday plans, remember that there are people that have no plans. People who will be doing their best to pretend that it's just another day.

Forgive me that this is not your typical count your blessings, list what you have to be thankful for post. I figure I try and look at the glass as half full most of the time so I deserve a little pity party, even if it is on Thanksgiving. I'm sure I'd feel better if I didn't have to watch those insipid adds.

To Vaccinate or Not

Sorry guys, another heavy one. I do not want to die. I know most people don't and we all will at sometime, but some of us are closer than others. I have been debating getting the H1N1 vaccine. I don't normally get any vaccines even the pneumonia one even though I am more susceptible to that one. I am immuno-compromised so I am eligible to get it, I just don't know if I want it. Will it effect my body differently with the sarc? Will I flare? No one knows. But more importantly how sick will I get if I get the H1N1? I could get sick enough to die. One of my docs prescribed a high dose of a simple vitamin. She didn't know that by taking that large of an amount could have thrown my disease into over-drive and it could have killed me. At the very least, made me seriously ill.

This disease that many people have never heard of could kill me and sooner rather than later. Usually being in the top 10% of something is a good thing. But not when it is the top 10% of a rare disease that can be fatal. Death is normally the last thing people want to talk about. What happens when decisions that are normally more than a passing thought with minor consequences suddenly become life and death, literally.

I don't want to die. I don't want easy questions to suddenly have serious answers. I want to go back to when not getting a flu shot simply just means that maybe I'd get the flu.

Melissa

Could it Be A Hallucination

OK, I'm going to warn you now this one is going to be WAY out there. I normally don't write about some of the things that pop into my head because I don't like to seem odd, but what the hell.

I have been watching Grey's Anatomy. Yeah I know, like my hair, I'm usually behind the curve. I didn't start watching this until last year so I am just catching up to this season. I'm at the point where Izzy is being treated for melanoma. This is the same kind of cancer I had and one of the things she said caught my attention. She stated she had tactile hallucinations. Hallucinations she could touch and feel. Heck, she even had sex with hers. Soooooo I was thinking wouldn't it be sort of cool, that all this crap I have been going through was a tactile hallucination? Well, it would if you take away the part that means the cancer spread to the brain.

How cool would it be that I am living a hallucination and the real me is out there living a wonderful life with my husband and family? And that all this pain and suffering is one big friggin hallucination. Now I don't have any dead boyfriends that could come back but I'm sure I would be having a lot more fun than I am now. Maybe in my real life I'm a Victoria's Secret model and I am doing a shoot on an exotic island. Well if someone can come up with a better one let me know!

Stadium Fun

Friday we took Max to the USF vs. WVU game to see how he would react in a stadium. Dave, our trainer, thought he did good. He was definitely freaked, but behaved himself. For me it was very hard. Because we were only staying for an hour, we got cheap seats and so of course they were in the top section. We actually decided to go almost all the way up so we could get to an area where no one was so we could work with him a little easier. For the most part I think he will be OK. I am so grateful we are able to have the handicap seats for our season tickets, because I would NOT be able to climb all that way every other week. I have been down since Monday and I think it was from Friday night.

One of the things I experienced for the first time that I wasn't expecting was how many people react to handicapped people. Now maybe it is my fault but I thought people would maybe be more considerate instead of less. Dave said to get used to it. After walking up 6 ramps and finally getting to the level where our seats were, we walked over to the steps. Max and I haven't done steps together yet as we live in Florida and there are not a lot of steps. So we made it almost to the landing when a man and woman started to come down. I stopped and looked up at the man and he stopped on the top step and looked at me. I said excuse me and he continued to stare at me. I gave him direct eye contact and held my ground. The jerk, stared me down and refused to back up. His wife didn't move either although she wasn't as much in the way as he was. This jerk made me go around him with a service dog. He said nothing just stood there. He was lucky I was out of my element and wasn't prepared for people to act like that. Next time I am going to speak up for myself. Dave said to get used to it. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it.

Have a good noght!