It has been awhile since last post, but our trip really wore me out. I would still go in a heartbeat, but it does take a lot out of me. My husband said something about not going anymore, but as I can go down without doing anything, I'd rather have done something and have the memories from it. Actually next year the Bucs are going to London and we are thinking of going there for the game. Our neighbors mentioned they'd like to go and that would be fun to go together.
I have been feeling a little down lately as the year comes to a close. With it being 2009, that makes it 8 years that I have been this ill. Out of those 8, half of them being pretty bad. But it boggles my mind that I have been out of work and sick almost 10 years. I know I have been sick for 20 years, but the first 10 I was still working and had a life. I just don't know where the time went. I kind of compare it to the glorious 11 years we had when we first came to Florida and our lives were so full. It's going to kill me when I have been sick longer than those 11 years. I just keep clinging to the hope that I will get it back. When God takes away, he usually gives back more than we could have ever expected and I stand on that happening to me. I get so homesick for Bradenton and think maybe the reason we haven't been able to move back is that God is saving that for when I am better and we can move home and have a better life. It's not that I am not grateful for the life we have now. I wouldn't change many things, but I miss the life we used to have.
My husband was feeling guilty about not doing charity work and contacted Boxer Rescue whom we volunteer with when we can and thought he was signing up for non-fostering activities. Well they called us the other day and want us to take in 2 dogs who are brothers and need a foster home desparately. We have our 3 and adding 2 more with my health would be a huge responsibility, but the point of mentioning that is we started talking about when we move back home we would like to have more property so we could take on more fosters and they would have the room they need to exercise. I would love to be able to take on all the dogs that they cannot get into foster homes and if I ever get healed, we've thought about making that a big part of our lives. But for now, I have to live this life and try to keep looking forward and praying that this isn't all there is going to be. It's always a struggle with accepting it but yet hoping for better. If in conversation I mentioned not being able to do something in the future because of my illness, my husband would say you never know, you may be healed tomorrow. I'd always laugh and say you never know. He'd then ask if I beleived I could be and I'd say absolutely, but I needed to be prepared if I wasn't. Yes it will be great if it happens, but I have to emotionally understand that I might not be and deal with it if I am not. It gets very complicated.
We don't have our tree up yet, but will probably do it this weekend if I feel up to it. To be honest I'd rather not but know I'd be disappointed if we didn't. I used to love decorating EVERYTHING for Christmas. We always did it up big. Decorating day was as much a tradition as Christmas and Christmas Eve as well as baking day. Now we only put up the tree and 1 candle and that's it. I will probably bake a little, but no where like I used to. I would send a big batch of holiday treats to my husbands work as well as mine and they would be gone in an hour. That made me feel good!
Well the most important thing about the holidays is getting together with family so I really hope my folks can make it!
Merry Christmas!
Melissa
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