Beginnings

 

I feel as if I am starting new. Before when I thought of that, it evoked feelings of fear, the unknown, the undesirable, resentment. It was the absolute last thing I wanted to do. I fought it quite valiantly if I say so myself. LOL When I am in my health flares, especially if I haven't experienced a really bad one in awhile, I tend to reminisce. These last weeks of reminiscing, had me thinking of when my soon to be ex husband and I moved here. We had recently graduated college, gotten married, and the world was all ours, whatever we wanted, it was possible. As I was thinking about it my body felt the excitement I had felt all those years ago. Such happiness, such hope, such possibility.
 
Currently, there has been no happiness, no hope, no possibility. And I've been angry about that. Sure, I can start over, alone. Where is the excitement in that? The hope? The possibility? I refused to see it because I didn't want to see it. So I had a temper tantrum. I railed at God, asked all the why questions that had no answers, got a headache from crying(which is why I normally refuse to cry) and went to find the vicks vaper rub(works great after a bad cry, clears the sinuses right up!) and went to bed.
 
Then, the sun came up the next morning. Nothing spectacular happened, no spirit guide gave me life's answers in the middle of the night, it was just the beginning of another day. A choice comes with it, every day. For some reason, today I looked at it differently. Today there is excitement for what lies ahead. There's hope, there's possibility.