Another Saturday night alone as my husband is out having fun. No, it's not like it sounds, he is out with my blessing, if not relief. And again it's not like it sounds as I would want nothing more than to be out having fun with him. This, is one of the wonderful bonuses of my disease. The cancelling of plans made a few days ago when I was feeling great, but awoke feeling like I had been run over by a truck. Oh, and like before getting hit by the truck, I chased it for miles. Pain and fatigue, my constant companions, my 'other" man.
After many years of being frustrated that this disease had been dictating our lives, we made some decisions to try and take it back. One of those was relating to going out. the rule was that I was first choice, meaning that if I felt well enough to go out, then that's what we would do. But if I wasn't, Andy was free to make other plans so he wasn't stuck sitting at home. It's not a perfect system and we have had plenty of misunderstandings and arguments. And of course work social events must take precedent. The uncomfortable decision we made was to tell our friends that because of my illness, we are not a sure thing. So if they get another offer to go out, they are free to take it even though they have plans with us. Because there is a good chance we may have to cancel at the last minute. We tell them no hard feelings. I have no problem with this, Andy hates it. I know it is not the best of situations and only our good friends can hang in there with those conditions. For me it helps tremendously because I always felt horrible guilt when I had to cancel at the last minute. With this in place I am not thrilled to cancel, but at least the guilt is less.
I hate being alone, but I know my husband needs to socialize. My burden is the lonliness I carry and the effort to not appear put out or upset that I was left behind. Somedays I do well and others I make him pay! LOL Such is the life of a IPer!!
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