Ok, besides the fact that I think I killed myself, I'm hoping Penn State gets their act together. I might be panicking prematurely, but as a Buc fan I must be predisposed to it. They are only down one touchdown, so....
Today I had my appointment with my primary and what a waste of time. She and I do not click at all and in my opinion she is as cold as a dead fish. She could have cared less that the anti-depressant she put me on last time had me gain 10 pounds and lose the small sex drive I had left. I am not the everyday patient who goes to the doc every couple of years. I have been entrenched in the medical system for years and at the point I am at now is to give me a quality of life. I am way passed the stage of running to the doc for a urine test because I think I have an infection, but the doc won't do anything until I run to the office. Because I KNOW if I have an infection, I always have antibiotics and a prescription to numb the bladder on hand. The only thing that will get me running to the doc for a urinary issue is when I'm peeing blood(and I do that quite often).
When my disease first started to really grab hold, I would wake up in a panic because I couldn't breathe. My doc then new it was related to my lungs being affected and gave me something to calm my nerves. Lately I am doing the same in addition I keep dreaming I am drowning or trying to breathe under water. I told her this in addition to my post traumatic stress issues and she literally just looked at me and then said I should go get a sleep study because I might have sleep apnea. Well first off, I hardly sleep(which she also could care less about, had no recommendations), second I am only 37 and am only about 30 pounds overweight(although I would love to lose 40, but I doubt I could sustain that weight loss) not 130. I do not have sleep apnea. I have anxiety issues related to breathing because I have only 2 out of 5 lobes working right and medical procedures because I have had some horrible experiences! Quality of life and minimizing my suffering is my focus right now and I do not believe she and I are on the same page. So the fun of looking for a new doc begins.
Andy and I have decided the best way to go about that is to interview the docs(with my clothes on by the way. Seriously who meets someone for the first time wearing those ridiculous little gowns. I have probably flashed half the population of Florida by now) and telling them what we need and are looking for and see if they are comfortable taking me on. I wish I could just use my specialists, but they do not want to do general stuff.
If anyone cares, we're tied at 14. I don't think I like Illinois. After coming back from the docs this morning we went in the pool with the dogs. The only one who will swim is chrissy. We have a half inflated basketball(so she can get a grip on the ball)that is HER toy. She will not let any of the other dogs play with it and she has it at all times. We through it into the pool and she'll jump right in. She almost jumped all the way across the pool today(our pool is in a figure eight shape). I about died, she almost hit her face and head. We decided we are going to cremate her with the ball.
Max will sit on the top step, but no further and none of the other dogs will go in. Although when we take them to the river, they all love to go in there. I think it's because they can gradually walk in.
Did I mention I just about killed myself today? After seeing those pictures, I really wanted to make an effort to exercise so around three, I went out and got on our elliptical that we keep in the garage. We used to have it on the lanai so you could watch tv while working out and have such a pretty view, but we put in a hammock instead(we figured the hammock would get more use). The hammock looks really good out there, we've tried hard to make our back area a nice little tropical paradise. So out in the garage for me, it's not too bad, I put a fan on and I people watch. I just recently got an ipod and downloaded a bunch of new music so I ended up working out far longer than I intended. After I stretched I could barely walk into the house. It just amazes me how far out of shape I have fallen. I don't want to get all upset about it, but it is so hard. I know what I used to be able to do and now it's a fraction of that. I just hope I stay well long enough this time to be able to make a difference. I want to be able to work out longer than 2 or 3 weeks. I will just be grateful for what I can do!
We are back in the lead and I am heading off to route for my team.. WE ARE PENN STATE!!!
Melissa
Today I had my appointment with my primary and what a waste of time. She and I do not click at all and in my opinion she is as cold as a dead fish. She could have cared less that the anti-depressant she put me on last time had me gain 10 pounds and lose the small sex drive I had left. I am not the everyday patient who goes to the doc every couple of years. I have been entrenched in the medical system for years and at the point I am at now is to give me a quality of life. I am way passed the stage of running to the doc for a urine test because I think I have an infection, but the doc won't do anything until I run to the office. Because I KNOW if I have an infection, I always have antibiotics and a prescription to numb the bladder on hand. The only thing that will get me running to the doc for a urinary issue is when I'm peeing blood(and I do that quite often).
When my disease first started to really grab hold, I would wake up in a panic because I couldn't breathe. My doc then new it was related to my lungs being affected and gave me something to calm my nerves. Lately I am doing the same in addition I keep dreaming I am drowning or trying to breathe under water. I told her this in addition to my post traumatic stress issues and she literally just looked at me and then said I should go get a sleep study because I might have sleep apnea. Well first off, I hardly sleep(which she also could care less about, had no recommendations), second I am only 37 and am only about 30 pounds overweight(although I would love to lose 40, but I doubt I could sustain that weight loss) not 130. I do not have sleep apnea. I have anxiety issues related to breathing because I have only 2 out of 5 lobes working right and medical procedures because I have had some horrible experiences! Quality of life and minimizing my suffering is my focus right now and I do not believe she and I are on the same page. So the fun of looking for a new doc begins.
Andy and I have decided the best way to go about that is to interview the docs(with my clothes on by the way. Seriously who meets someone for the first time wearing those ridiculous little gowns. I have probably flashed half the population of Florida by now) and telling them what we need and are looking for and see if they are comfortable taking me on. I wish I could just use my specialists, but they do not want to do general stuff.
If anyone cares, we're tied at 14. I don't think I like Illinois. After coming back from the docs this morning we went in the pool with the dogs. The only one who will swim is chrissy. We have a half inflated basketball(so she can get a grip on the ball)that is HER toy. She will not let any of the other dogs play with it and she has it at all times. We through it into the pool and she'll jump right in. She almost jumped all the way across the pool today(our pool is in a figure eight shape). I about died, she almost hit her face and head. We decided we are going to cremate her with the ball.
Max will sit on the top step, but no further and none of the other dogs will go in. Although when we take them to the river, they all love to go in there. I think it's because they can gradually walk in.
Did I mention I just about killed myself today? After seeing those pictures, I really wanted to make an effort to exercise so around three, I went out and got on our elliptical that we keep in the garage. We used to have it on the lanai so you could watch tv while working out and have such a pretty view, but we put in a hammock instead(we figured the hammock would get more use). The hammock looks really good out there, we've tried hard to make our back area a nice little tropical paradise. So out in the garage for me, it's not too bad, I put a fan on and I people watch. I just recently got an ipod and downloaded a bunch of new music so I ended up working out far longer than I intended. After I stretched I could barely walk into the house. It just amazes me how far out of shape I have fallen. I don't want to get all upset about it, but it is so hard. I know what I used to be able to do and now it's a fraction of that. I just hope I stay well long enough this time to be able to make a difference. I want to be able to work out longer than 2 or 3 weeks. I will just be grateful for what I can do!
We are back in the lead and I am heading off to route for my team.. WE ARE PENN STATE!!!
Melissa
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