For me, one of the hardest parts about being in chronic pain is the loss of control. from the big picture of my body betraying me to the smallest details of what to eat, it seems like I have no control. My schedule consists of doctors appointments, test, procedures, and meds. I hate the fact that I need a multitude of meds to keep me going. I used to take pride in the fact that when the nurse would ask if I was on any medications I could say no. Now I need to ask if she has enough room to write it down. Being in chronic pain usually means that you will be on some sort of narcotic. You want to talk about feeling helpless, for most of us, we must take these types of medications to have some resemblance of a productive life. But because of the stigma attached and what has happened in this country with our "war on drugs", taking these meds will take you to new levels of helplessness and frustration. I am so grateful to have a wonderful pain doc who I have been with over 5 years, but the hoops required by insurance and government would try the patience of a saint. I get so angry that something as simple as taking a vacation needs the planning and execution of a corporate take over. Anyone taking these meds knows exactly what I am talking about. And do not even let me get started on the insurance companies knowing more than my doctor and dictating his options for me. I feel I have more chains around me than Jacob Marley. And the waiting involved, waiting for approvals, waiting for phone calls, going back and forth because the right hand doesn't know what the left is doing.
I used to think if I handled all the contingencies, and worked out the kinks ahead of time, that this process will be somewhat . That was me desperately holding on to the idea that I still could have some control over this process if I applied my organizational skills. I understand I am not the only patient, I understand I am not the only person to have this insurance, but jeez, is there a contest to see who can misunderstand the information the most. It's kind of like that game we played in class where you would stand in a line or a circle and something was whispered to the first person and then they would whisper it to the next in line and so on down the line and then the last person speaks what was whispered out load and it is always amusing to see how the original information got changed as each person relayed the info. How the statement usually sounds nothing like it was originated? Well trust me it is NOT amusing when this info is my health issues and by the time it goes from the front desk staff to the nurse to the doc to the insurance customer service rep to a health liaison at the insurance company, back to my doc, back to the nurse and then 10 days later back to me. And usually in the form of having nothing to do with my original concern so the process starts again!
It's a good thing I am on disability because it's a full time job trying to manage my health care. And I know I am supposed to feel grateful because we have the best health care in the world and I do agree with that and am extremely grateful. Believe me I have thought how horrible this would be if I had no insurance or lived in another country. But no matter how great it is, when you move from a healthy person who has insurance, where you might deal with your insurance company once or twice a year to the chronically ill where your communication is almost daily, the problems with the system become blat anally clear.
And now after dealing with this for the last 6 to 7 years, I admit defeat. No matter how organized I have tried to be, no matter how many steps I take to try to simplify thing, no matter how much I anticipate problems, no matter how many hoops I jump through, I am still entangled in insurance no mans land.
Well that is my vent for the day. I used to believe if you were going to complain about something, then you should have some suggestions on how to fix it. And I have given a valiant effort the first couple of years. But I am big enough to admit defeat, I know when to fold em and boy would I like to walk away.
Good night from no man's land
I used to think if I handled all the contingencies, and worked out the kinks ahead of time, that this process will be somewhat . That was me desperately holding on to the idea that I still could have some control over this process if I applied my organizational skills. I understand I am not the only patient, I understand I am not the only person to have this insurance, but jeez, is there a contest to see who can misunderstand the information the most. It's kind of like that game we played in class where you would stand in a line or a circle and something was whispered to the first person and then they would whisper it to the next in line and so on down the line and then the last person speaks what was whispered out load and it is always amusing to see how the original information got changed as each person relayed the info. How the statement usually sounds nothing like it was originated? Well trust me it is NOT amusing when this info is my health issues and by the time it goes from the front desk staff to the nurse to the doc to the insurance customer service rep to a health liaison at the insurance company, back to my doc, back to the nurse and then 10 days later back to me. And usually in the form of having nothing to do with my original concern so the process starts again!
It's a good thing I am on disability because it's a full time job trying to manage my health care. And I know I am supposed to feel grateful because we have the best health care in the world and I do agree with that and am extremely grateful. Believe me I have thought how horrible this would be if I had no insurance or lived in another country. But no matter how great it is, when you move from a healthy person who has insurance, where you might deal with your insurance company once or twice a year to the chronically ill where your communication is almost daily, the problems with the system become blat anally clear.
And now after dealing with this for the last 6 to 7 years, I admit defeat. No matter how organized I have tried to be, no matter how many steps I take to try to simplify thing, no matter how much I anticipate problems, no matter how many hoops I jump through, I am still entangled in insurance no mans land.
Well that is my vent for the day. I used to believe if you were going to complain about something, then you should have some suggestions on how to fix it. And I have given a valiant effort the first couple of years. But I am big enough to admit defeat, I know when to fold em and boy would I like to walk away.
Good night from no man's land
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