Faith

Well last night I took my next dose of chemo. Hopefully this week will be better than last week. I did some more research on the med and it said unless you were dealing with life threatening cancer to not take the drug. Well OK, right now the cancer is not life threatening but the question is the sarcoid? What would Bernie Mac have said if you had asked him if his sarc was that deadly? I have been advised from one of my many physicians that the risk could be more than the benefit, and with any of the other immune supressing drugs not an option for me, what do you do? It's a very humbling place to be beyond treatment and the disease out of your control.

For me this is where my faith has to be at it's strongest. I've never understood how people handled illness without faith in something greater than themselves. Like now, man has failed me. All the drugs, procedures, surgeries and top doctors have failed to be able to cure me. I can claim myself well all I want to, I can eat as healthy as possible and if I could exercise, believe me I would do it, but in those darkest moments, when human ability has failed, and I have no fight left in a cell of my body, I know that there is something so much greater than what I am going through. I am not even going to suggest that I understand it and there have been many a day that I prayed for the suffereing to stop, but just to be able to rely on that knowing allows me to get back up tomorrow and fight another day.

Melissa