OMG!!!!!!!!!!! How is it that you never realize how bad you look until you see pictures of yourself. My husband finally got around to downloading our summer vacation pictures and I saw them for the first time today. I knew I had gained weight before summer but I didn't think it was that bad!
I am going to allow my self a little vent here and then I'm going to look at the positive side. Since I got ill, I have gained about 40 pounds. Considering all the blood, sweat and tears that it took me to lose the weight that I originally lost and then kept off for 15 years, it is really frustrating. After leaving my career and being both ill and inactive, I put about 15 pounds on and stayed there for a few years. I accepted myself at that weight, bought new clothes and threw out all my 2's and 4's so they wouldn't depress me. I actually felt good at my higher weight and thought I looked pretty darn good in my new 14 clothes. Everyone said I looked healthier.(Great, I am sick and fatter but look better than when I was trim and healthy, HUH?!) At this time I was walking the dogs everyday and had even lost some weight.
Then my disease decided it wanted some more attention and left me somewhat bedridden. I began to gain weight and every time I went down it seemed I put more weight on then I was able to drop when I tried to be more active(and we're talking do a load of laundry active, not go on an exercise walk active). Before I knew it my 14's were too tight and then we went on vacation and the rest shows up on those picture. Oh and by the way, my husband uses a web site to download our pictures then sends emails to our friends and family to go see our pictures. I haven't yet decided how I am going to pay him back for this yet, but I promise you it will be spectacular.
So as I was getting more depressed by the minute. Let me back track and say that our vacation was at our family owned cottage in PA on the Allegheny river. It's secluded and you live in your bathing suit while you are there. Yes I did say bathing suit. Ok, back to my thoughts, as I was looking at all these pictures of me in various bathing suits( I used to have men climb trees to look over a fence to see me in a bathing suit. I sure don't need to worry about that now, they might climb trees to get away, but not look), and getting more and more discouraged by the minute, I began to notice something. In all the pictures we are doing something. Whether it was kyaking, jet-skiing, playing tennis, going on walks, playing with the dogs in the water, playing board games(which we absolutely love to do, especially there), reading a great book, cooking wonderful meals and deserts. I was DOING, not watching or wishing, but doing. I decided that this weight is a battle scar, this weight represents my fighting a horrible potentially fatal disease. This weight represents that I am a courageous warrior who is fighting with everything she has to live, not just exist, but live. Just as I have earned every gray hair on my head(even though nobody knows that but me, thank God for hair color), every pound is equal to a battle. I might not have won the war yet, but I am still fighting.
I wish I could say I love being this weight, but I don't and I still want to lose the unhealthy weight, but now when I see those pictures, I will not see a woman who needs to lose weight, I will see a person who is fighting for her right to live.
Melissa
I am going to allow my self a little vent here and then I'm going to look at the positive side. Since I got ill, I have gained about 40 pounds. Considering all the blood, sweat and tears that it took me to lose the weight that I originally lost and then kept off for 15 years, it is really frustrating. After leaving my career and being both ill and inactive, I put about 15 pounds on and stayed there for a few years. I accepted myself at that weight, bought new clothes and threw out all my 2's and 4's so they wouldn't depress me. I actually felt good at my higher weight and thought I looked pretty darn good in my new 14 clothes. Everyone said I looked healthier.(Great, I am sick and fatter but look better than when I was trim and healthy, HUH?!) At this time I was walking the dogs everyday and had even lost some weight.
Then my disease decided it wanted some more attention and left me somewhat bedridden. I began to gain weight and every time I went down it seemed I put more weight on then I was able to drop when I tried to be more active(and we're talking do a load of laundry active, not go on an exercise walk active). Before I knew it my 14's were too tight and then we went on vacation and the rest shows up on those picture. Oh and by the way, my husband uses a web site to download our pictures then sends emails to our friends and family to go see our pictures. I haven't yet decided how I am going to pay him back for this yet, but I promise you it will be spectacular.
So as I was getting more depressed by the minute. Let me back track and say that our vacation was at our family owned cottage in PA on the Allegheny river. It's secluded and you live in your bathing suit while you are there. Yes I did say bathing suit. Ok, back to my thoughts, as I was looking at all these pictures of me in various bathing suits( I used to have men climb trees to look over a fence to see me in a bathing suit. I sure don't need to worry about that now, they might climb trees to get away, but not look), and getting more and more discouraged by the minute, I began to notice something. In all the pictures we are doing something. Whether it was kyaking, jet-skiing, playing tennis, going on walks, playing with the dogs in the water, playing board games(which we absolutely love to do, especially there), reading a great book, cooking wonderful meals and deserts. I was DOING, not watching or wishing, but doing. I decided that this weight is a battle scar, this weight represents my fighting a horrible potentially fatal disease. This weight represents that I am a courageous warrior who is fighting with everything she has to live, not just exist, but live. Just as I have earned every gray hair on my head(even though nobody knows that but me, thank God for hair color), every pound is equal to a battle. I might not have won the war yet, but I am still fighting.
I wish I could say I love being this weight, but I don't and I still want to lose the unhealthy weight, but now when I see those pictures, I will not see a woman who needs to lose weight, I will see a person who is fighting for her right to live.
Melissa
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